


Talk Turkey

by CloakedSparrow



Series: Collected Bat-Family Stories [55]
Category: Batman (Comics), Detective Comics (Comics), Nightwing (Comics), Red Hood and the Outlaws (Comics), Red Robin (Comics), Robin (Comics)
Genre: Adopted Children, Bat Brothers, Bat Family, Dysfunctional Family, Family Dynamics, Gen, Holidays, No Romance, No Sex, No Smut, One Shot, Thanksgiving, Vegetarians & Vegans
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-12
Updated: 2018-11-12
Packaged: 2019-08-22 20:45:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16605155
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CloakedSparrow/pseuds/CloakedSparrow
Summary: Jason and Damian get into a brief but heated argument when Jason brings up his favorite holiday -Thanksgiving- and its customary dish, which Damian takes issue with. Dick steps in when cannibalism comes up. Tim and Bruce have a separate but related argument when Tim decides Bruce needs to start respecting Damian's values. And everything gets settled one way or another.Its the holidays. Its what brothers do.





	Talk Turkey

Jason hadn’t had any particular reason to go the Manor that day. Tim was going to upgrade the security in the Batcave, after Bruce had stopped by their base a few nights before and offhandedly commented that the Red Bunker had even better security than he did. Jason had decided to go to the Manor with his little brother, but he left Tim and Bruce to do their thing in the Cave while he headed upstairs to visit Alfred and Damian. 

Dick was visiting as well. He’d recently figured out that Damian was unfamiliar with most of the animated films that children commonly grew up with and was making extra visits to Gotham to watch some with their youngest sibling. Jason and Tim were going out of their way to make sure Dick didn’t realize they hadn’t watched any of the films he was forcing Damian to view either. They weren’t sure how Cassandra had managed to avoid being forced to watch them, but they were certain she hadn’t seen most of them either. 

So Jason volunteered to help Alfred with some of his Autumn chores until Dick and Damian finished their movie. Then, the two of them joined in as well. 

After carrying in more firewood than either his surrogate grandfather or youngest brother could have at once, Jason decided to help Damian stack it, since that was one of the boy’s chores. While doing so, he figured he’d try starting a conversation with his acerbic brother. He wasn’t the best at small talk, but he wanted Damian to know he was someone he could talk to, even when he wasn’t ready to kill someone or in need of some heavy muscle (which were the main reasons his youngest brother ever contacted him).

“So…you looking forward to Thanksgiving?” He’d thought it was a safe, mellow topic.

“Why should I?” Damian looked honestly perplexed and sounded just the slightest bit challenging. 

Thanksgiving happened to be Jason's favorite holiday. As such, he was always a little put off when someone made it clear they didn’t get it or appreciate it. Usually, he figured those people were either superficial bastards or ungrateful assholes. The types who never knew what it was like not to have enough food or to have a shitty family and so didn’t understand why they should consider themselves fortunate for having both. The types who who were always so busy thinking about what they wanted or felt they deserved that they didn’t appreciate what they already had.

Each of his other siblings, fortunately, got it. In fact, Thanksgiving was also both Tim’s and Cassandra’s favorite holiday. He was pretty sure Cass was mostly excited about the food, which he got. Not that she didn’t love the family, but they all got together often enough that she didn’t see much difference with the holiday in that regard. Tim was still ridiculously happy to have a family that actually got together to do things like eat meals or celebrate holidays together. Jason understood that too. 

Dick favored Christmas, but he loved his family and enjoyed any excuse to have them all together. He understood why his siblings favored Thanksgiving and completely got the holiday in its own right. So him and Jason were never at odds about it.

Before reacting by calling his youngest sibling an ingrate, Jason reasoned that Damian hadn’t been taught to be grateful for what he had growing up. Rather, he’d been taught that everything he had was his birthright. He’d been raised to constantly seek out more power and prestige. All things considered, it made sense that he wouldn’t be terribly excited about the holiday. 

Jason knew better than anyone that a lecture wasn’t going to teach an irritable teenager to be grateful. So instead, he decided to simply state why he was looking forward to the holiday. 

“Because Thanksgiving is the best holiday. No extravagant decorations or costumes. No religious divide or having to find meaningful gifts for anyone. The whole family just gets together to be grateful for what we have and we try to be nice to each other for a day. There’s a parade on TV in case that goes to hell; we can all just shut up and watch until everyone chills. Plus Dick makes us all watch A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving for some reason.

“Then there’s the food. Ask Cass if you want full details, she can rhapsodize over the food for an hour, but Alfie goes all out. And each of the rest of us bring something too. Have you ever had Kate’s potato-apple latkes? She uses your great-great-grandmother’s recipe and they’re fucking awesome. There’s food out all day and then we still sit down to a huge turkey dinner.”

Damian scowled at the mention of the holiday’s signature dish. “I’m a vegetarian.”

Jason simply shrugged at the correction. “Okay, more turkey more the rest of us.” He mussed his youngest brother’s hair. “Festive vegetables and fucking awesome latkes for you.”

Damian swatted his hand away and shot him a glare. “We are not serving turkey.”

It took a significant effort not to roll his eyes and cut his youngest brother down with a scathing quip. Instead, Jason took a breath and tried to calm Damian. He was pretty sure he knew what the problem was now. “You don’t have to eat it, but yeah, we are. Its Turkey Day. I don’t make the rules.”

“We’re _not_ serving turkey!” Damian crossed his arms and planted his feet. It still wasn’t as impressive as when his eldest brothers or father did the same thing, but his family understood the statement. No one bothered to tell him he didn’t look quite as impressive as he believed. “Think of Jerry and Martha a-”

Jason interrupted now that his little brother had finally gotten to his point. “We’re not gonna eat any of _your_ turkeys, brat. Don’t worry. Those birds are safer than the one the president pardons.” He made a vague, dismissive motion with his hand. “We’re gonna eat other, nameless turkeys.”

“Just because they’re nameless doesn’t make it okay! Bat-Cow was scheduled for slaughter when Richard and I rescued her. These turkeys could be just as intelligent as mine. You’ve seen them all in their coop. They have personalities! They have thoughts!”

Apparently, the issue was a little more complicated than Jason had realized. 

Unfortunately, he still didn’t quite understand how _Damian_ of each of his family members, could be so set against any type of slaughter. Either one of them alone had killed more people then several of the villains they often fought. “So did all of the people we’ve killed. What’s your point?”

The answer was as dramatic as he’d expect of the biological son of Batman, but still not entirely what he’d anticipated. 

“Then lets eat _them_! At least they _deserved_ to die!”

“Oh, not this shit again.” Jason rolled his eyes and then called to their big brother in the other room. “Dick, you wanna explain to Hannibal Lecter here why eating people isn’t the same as eating turkeys?” He knew when he wasn’t the best suited Wayne to handle a particular issue and this was one of those times.

Dick entered swiftly from the other room. He looked like he wasn’t sure whether he should be mildly amused or extremely concerned. “Okay, I’m gonna need some back story here. What did I miss that led to potential cannibalism?”

Tim entered shortly afterwards, apparently he’d finished in the Cave already and had been drawn over by the sounds of his brothers arguing. “What’s going on? I heard Damian yelling.”

Dick tilted his head and quickly explained. “Somehow, we’ve ended up having to talk Little D out of cannibalism.”

Damian immediately pointed at Jason. “Only because Todd wants to eat Thomasina on Thanksgiving!”

Dick frowned in confusion, but still assured Damian. “No one’s eating Thomasina.” 

“And I doubt Jason seriously suggested he was going to.” Tim added with a pointed look.

Dick nodded his agreement, but was still watching his youngest sibling with some concern. “Even if he had, that’s still a pretty big jump to eating people.”

Tim arched a brow. “Yeah, that really doesn’t line up.” 

Jason simply shot Damian a small glare and put his hands on his hips. “Even if that made any fucking kind of sense, I specifically said that I was _not_ suggesting we eat any of your damn birds, you little shit.”

“Jay, language.” Dick indicated both Damian and Tim. Each of his little brothers rolled their eyes at the correction.

Then Damian crossed his arms and stared up at his big brother in challenge (though he clearly wanted it to look like a stare down and none of his brothers felt the need to shame him). “If you’re going to kill a turkey you might as well make it one you have to face!”

Jason drew his brows and frowned at his youngest sibling. “How does that make any fucking sense?”

“Jay!” Dick threw up a hand. He sounded slightly exasperated with his little brother. 

At the same time, Tim tilted his head slightly and spoke quietly. “Actually, that one I get.”

Meanwhile, Damian’s glare intensified. 

Tim interrupted before his little brother could launch into an angry speech about the evils of animal harvesting or how animals were better than people or anything among those lines. They’d each learned it was harder to talk Damian down after the fact than it was to cut him off before he built up much steam. “Everyone relax. I can make seitan turkey, okay? That way, no turkeys die, Alfred has one less thing he has to do, and Jason already knows he likes it.”

“I do?” There wasn’t any challenge in Jason's tone. He wasn’t questioning whether Tim was right or not so much as he was questioning when he’d established he liked seitan turkey. 

Tim blinked, looking slightly put out. “You said you did.”

Jason still looked like he had no idea what his little brother was talking about. “When was this?”

Tim appeared concerned at his big brother’s lack of recollection as he explained. “After we caught Dr Freeze that time. We were both too tired to cook and I said I had some leftover seitan turkey I could just make sandwiches out of. You said you liked them. You ate three.”

Finally, Jason looked like he remembered the incident. “I thought you said _Satan_ turkey.” His expression turned slightly baffled as he asked, “What the hell is seitan turkey?”

Tim looked equally baffled. “Well what the hell is Satan turkey?”

“Timmy just said ‘what the hell’.” Dick turned a scandalized gaze at Damian. Then he shook his head in mock disappointment. “I think he and Jay are officially spending too much time together.”

“Or maybe its good for him to come out of his shell once in a while.” Jason retorted quickly before turning his focus back to Tim. “I thought you were joking about the Satan turkey.”

“I’ve said ‘what the hell’ before, you guys. It just comes out more when I’m facing something crazy or when I’m tired.” Tim’s expression turned nonplussed as he turned back to Jason. “And how would that have even been a joke?” He raised his hands and a single brow as he gave a small, questioning head shake. 

Jason shrugged. “You’d been up for thirty-six hours, I figured your brain had gone a little loopy and you were allowed some absurd humor.”

His little brother looked unimpressed. “Jay, c’mon. I have to be up for at least forty-two hours before I get that loopy.”

Jason paused to think on that a moment. He suddenly looked impressed as he seemed to realize the statement wasn’t an exaggeration. “Huh. Fair enough.” 

“And to be fair, his sense of humor is kinda weird.” Dick held up a hand when both Jason and Tim shot him looks that said the comment was not appreciated. “We _all_ do. We _have_ to, doing what we do in this family. Tim’s is just a little…darker than most.”

Jason was still looking at Dick with a very unappreciative expression. “I joke about coming back from the dead fairly regularly. You tease criminals about their costumes or gimmicks while they’re holding people hostage. You told me Alfred joked about murdering Jake Drake when he learned your identities. But _Timmy’s_ humor is too dark?”

“Not when you put it like that, no.” Dick nodded in concession and then turned to Tim. “Sorry, Timmy.”

Tim waved off the apology. “No, that’s fair. My humor still needs some work.”

“Nah, you’re fine.” Jason gestured up with his chin as he smacked Tim in the shoulder. “Seriously though, what’s seitan turkey?”

“Seitan is a protein made from vital wheat gluten that was invented by Buddhist monks sometime before the sixth century. So it’s just seitan flavored and textured like turkey. The name means ‘proper protein’ in Japanese.” Tim perked up a little as he continued to explain. "Or it most likely means that. The word originated in the-”

Dick interrupted the history lesson. “Wait. Isn’t gluten the stuff in bread and pasta that people are weird about now? How do you make that into a meat substitute?”

“I just mixed it with chickpea flour, spices, and broth. Then I steamed it and then roasted it.” Tim anticipated the question Jason was clearly about to ask. “You’re usually still asleep when I make it. That maple sage sausage I make most mornings is seitan too.”

Jason looked both surprised and impressed. “Shit, really? How do you make it taste like turkey or sausage?”

“Chemistry.” Tim’s tone and easy shrug suggested he thought that was a very simple and clear answer. 

“Fuck, you _are_ a genius.” By the look of interest on Jason’s face, the others knew he was definitely going to be experimenting with seitan in his own cooking soon.

“Sooo…” Dick looked between his little brothers. “Do I still have to explain why cannibalism isn’t a viable substitute for Thanksgiving turkey? Or are we good on the seitan turkey now?”

“Seitan, it is.” Damian stated as though declaring a new law.

Jason shrugged. “Works for me.” He pointed at his brothers with a serious expression. “No one is touching Alfred’s pies or fruitcake though.”

Each of his brothers readily agreed. 

“Good.” Jason grabbed Tim’s shoulder and gave it a little squeeze. “Then Timbers can tell Alfie he’s got the turkey covered and Dami can break it to Dad that there won’t be any meat this year.” The look he shot Damian might have been sympathetic if he didn’t look so amused. 

“Dami _an_. And I’ll tell Father this evening.” Their youngest brother tried to look unconcerned, but was clearly irritated that he had to be the one to inform their father of the change in tradition. 

The others were sympathetic. For a man who was prepared for pretty much any eventuality and ready to adjust his methods to take down criminals no matter what oddities they threw at him, their father did not take to changes at home very easily.

Dick looked like he was about to crack and take the pressure off their youngest brother. Just as Jason was swatting him to stop him from offering, Tim spoke up. “I can tell him. If you want.”

Damian immediately looked suspicious. “Why?”

“Because that’s what brother’s do, you jerk.” Tim crossed his arms and shook his head a little as he looked away from his little brother and took a breath. “Besides, I can get through this with less arguing than you can.” He turned to Damian and held up a hand to fend off the argument they could all see coming at his last statement. “I meant that I don’t tend to be as contentious a you do and I have a ready made excuse that’s harder to argue with.

“Bruce knows I’m on a particular diet since I lost my spleen, but I don’t think he’s ever figured out exactly what that diet is.” Tim looked the slightest bit bothered by this fact, but pressed on without addressing it. He rarely brought up any issues between himself and Bruce, and never in front of Damian. That would just be asking for trouble.

“Poultry wasn’t actually mentioned either way, but I can just say I want to make some seitan turkey to cut out more fats and boost my amino acids.” He shrugged and motioned toward his little brother. “With you being vegetarian, Jason and Alfie both liking the seitan turkey, and Cass and Dick being willing to eat whatever, there’s no reason for Alfred to make a turkey in addition to that.”

Damian considered his brother’s words. “That sounds...reasonable.” He looked Tim over critically. “And you have no qualms about bending the truth to my father?”

Tim rolled his eyes. “Yeah, I think I can handle it. You know, I’ve lied outright to him and just about everyone else I know before.” He looked at his little brother seriously. “Be glad you don’t have to keep a secret identity from the people closest to you. It sucks.”

Damian considered his brother's words once more and then simply nodded. “Very well. Then you can tell my father about the change in menu for Thanksgiving.”

“Damian.” Dick’s expression turned stern. “Tim’s making the seitan turkey for you and preventing you from having to argue with Dad about it. The least you can do is thank him.”

Damian scowled. “He _offered_. It isn’t as th-”

Jason interrupted, his tone was firm. “He offered to make the holiday easier on everyone else and more enjoyable for you. You and I would still be arguing otherwise. Or Dick would still be giving you an anti-cannibalism lecture.

“And if you had to tell Dad about the turkey, you’d do it in a way that would lead to another argument.” He pointed at Damian when his youngest brother was clearly about to protest. “Don’t even try to deny it. Think of how you just announced your vote for seitan. You use that tone when telling Dad _anything_ , and he’ll have to address it for your own damn good.”

“He’s right, Little D.” Dick agreed. He looked at Damian firmly. “You should say ‘thank you’.”

Damian released a harsh breath and crossed his arms. He looked aside rather than at Tim when he finally addressed him. His tone sounded anything but grateful. “Thank you, Drake.”

Tim looked as though he were putting a good deal of effort into not rolling his eyes again. “Don’t mention it.”

With that, Tim headed back to the Cave, apparently deciding there was no time like the present to break the news to their father. Jason, Dick, and Damian were recruited to rake the leaves around the Manor. They had a landscaping crew that cleaned up most of the grounds, but certain areas the family preferred to handle themselves. Not only was it safer and more private, but Alfred also believed that putting in some of the work themselves was good for the kids. Considering some of the ‘other’ rich kids Jason had met, he was inclined to agree with Alfred.

He expected Tim to join them once he was finished with Bruce, since the boy usually helped with such chores, but Tim didn’t join them. They had some cocoa after they’d finished and saw no sign of Tim in the Manor. 

Jason assumed that meant he was working on something else in the Cave, so he headed down to check up on his little brother. He paused on the stairs when he heard Bruce’s voice, speaking harshly. 

“-And I would expect you to know better than that. You’ve experienced that side of him more than any of the rest of us. If we let him go around making demands of everyone-”

Tim interrupted coolly. “He isn’t making demands of _everyone_ , just his family.” The teenager’s voice was firm, but lacked any hostility. “I don’t think its an unreasonable request for a vegetarian kid with pet turkeys to ask his family not to expect him to sit at a table with a big dead turkey on it and act like that’s fine. I think we can respect his values on this instance.” 

Bruce started to talk but Tim continued speaking over him. “I think that will help nurture those values. Wasn’t that the point of permitting all these pets to begin with? To teach him some compassion? Some humanity? You don’t think telling him you respect him enough to forgo turkey on Thanksgiving might also teach him something?”

Jason had heard enough to guess at what had led to this point in the conversation. As Tim had said, he was good at lying to people close to him. While everything he’d said about having a ready made excuse to bypass the argument was true, he’d never intended to actually use it. Instead, he’d gone down to the Cave by himself to argue on Damian’s behalf, knowing he would make better points and keep his cool, something Damian wouldn’t have been able to do. It meant a bigger headache for him, but it also meant Bruce might come out a little more respectful of Damian’s feelings on the subject. 

As Tim had said, that’s what brothers do. 

Jason was proud of his little brother. Especially when he handled their father’s response with such grace. Jason knew he wouldn’t have.

Bruce’s tone was challenging and firm, bordering on harsh. “You think I don’t respect my son?”

Tim didn’t react to the challenge defensively, as their father had likely expected. Instead, he stuck to his point. “No, but I think he views your attitude toward this as disrespect. And I have to say, I can see why he would. He’s constantly trying to prove himself to you, Bruce. I know what that’s like. 

“So just listen, okay?” Tim paused, waiting. He must have been given some sign to continue because he did, calmly. “If you _explain_ to Damian that you’re agreeing to leaving out the turkey because you understand what it means to him, you aren’t going to be setting him up to act like a spoiled brat again. You’re going to show him that you respect him enough to listen when its important to him. Do that enough, and he’ll learn how to talk to you instead of just making demands.”

Tim’s voice grew a little more firm as he drove his point home. “But you have to explain yourself to him. That’s the only way this will work. If you just say ‘okay, no turkey’ then you _are_ setting him up to behave like a spoiled brat, and that isn’t fair to him. Jay was right, Bruce; Damian needs guidance. Even when its hard or uncomfortable, he needs you to talk to him so he understands.”

There was a long, heavy silence after that. Jason actually considered breaking it himself a couple of times. However, he knew his father had to either get on board with this or they needed to know he wasn’t now, so the rest of them could do the best they could to work around him. None of them were going to let their brother fall off course just because their father had a hard time communicating. No one else really wanted to take on such an authoritative role with Damian, but they would if it was needed.

Fortunately, their father didn’t disappoint. 

Bruce sounded tired, a little irritated, and a little impressed. “You’re right. I keep telling Damian he needs to talk to me, but I keep forgetting that he needs to be shown how to do that. I’ll explain about the turkey. We won’t have it if it means that much to him. Go ahead and make the Satan thing.”

“Seitan.” Tim corrected. 

“Seitan.” Bruce repeated. 

Jason was ready to jump in again. To point out that the conversation definitely wasn’t finished between them. To point out that just from the tail-end he’d caught, their father had been way out of line in how he’d addressed Tim. He was willing to bet some harsher words had been used to get to that point. 

Fortunately, again, their father didn’t disappoint. “I’m sorry, Tim. For what I said before and for how I said it. I should have known you were just looking out for your brother. I should have known you had a strategy.” Bruce sounded slightly amused on that last comment. 

“Its okay. That’s why I thought it would be better if I talked to you instead of Damian. Can you imagine how this would have gone if it had been him who came down here to tell you about the turkey?” By his tone, Jason could tell a smirk graced Tim’s face as he asked that last question.

Bruce said something that was muffled. The tone made it clear he could imagine and was quite grateful that they’d avoided that. Jason could picture him with his hand over his face, trying to find the patience for his youngest child. 

It wasn't the ideal way to end the conversation, in Jason’s opinion, but he suspected that was the best they were going to get. It was good enough. 

“Hey, Timbers!” He called out as he finished descending the stairs. “You still down here?”

His little brother called back right away. “Yeah. We were just finishing up.” 

As Jason expected, neither Bruce or Tim mentioned the conversation he’d caught the end of. When he asked what they were up to, Tim told him all about how they’d upgraded the Batcave's security. Everything he showed Jason was something he’d actually done that day, so he technically wasn't even lying. Jason made a mental note to keep a closer watch on how he and his little brother phrased things when Tim could be hiding a problem. His little brother was far too skilled at leaving out potentially hurtful details. 

They stayed for dinner, and Tim volunteered to wash the dishes afterwards. Jason joined him, offering to dry. While it was just the two of them in the kitchen, Tim brought up the conversation. “So how much did you hear?”

Jason smiled a little. He was glad his little brother had brought it up, even if it was mostly because he knew Jason had overheard some of what he and Bruce had said. “Not much, just caught the end. It was enough to figure out what was going on though.”

His tone turned a little firmer, even as he lowered his voice to make sure they weren’t overheard. “B was out of line, talking to you like that. You know that, right?”

Tim shook his head gently. “Its just how he is…especially when it comes to Damian and me. He gets on edge. He gets defensive. He wasn’t trying to be hurtful. Its okay.”

“It isn’t, but you were great…the way you handled it.” Jason smirked. “I’d have ended up yelling at him. It would have become a big argument.”

Tim matched the smirk. “That’s why I wanted to talk to him alone.” 

Jason nodded at that. He looked side-eyed at his little brother. “You aren’t going to tell Damian anything about it, are you?”

Tim simply shook his head. Jason had figured as much. Still, he got it when Tim explained. “The point was to get Bruce and him to have a real conversation and figure out where they both need to draw the line in order to respect each other. If Damian finds out I had anything to do with it, that conversation won’t go nearly as well.”

“Yeah…you’re right.” Jason sighed, then he nudged his little brother with his elbow. “You’re a better brother than you get credit for.” 

“So are you.” Tim splashed him with a little water. Not enough to be annoying. He knew where his big brother drew the line between playful and irritating. “Thanks for letting me handle it.”

“You had it handled.” Jason shrugged. “There was no need for me to be there.”

“But you still were. You stuck around in case I needed backup.” Tim smiled as he scrubbed a stubborn stain on a dish. “Thanks for that too.”

“Of course.” Jason took the dish from him and didn’t look up as he dried it. “Its how this works. You’ve got my back, I’ve got yours. Always.”

Tim’s smile grew a little brighter. 

Jason was happy. He still leaned a little closer to Tim and dropped his voice further. “Dick never hears about this.” They would both be hearing about what sweet brothers they were for weeks if he did. 

Tim laughed softly and nodded. “Agreed.”

After dinner, Dick headed home to Blüdhaven. Jason and Tim said their goodbyes as well. They were going to head to the Bunker and start patrolling as Red Hood and Red Robin. On their way out, Bruce informed them that Batman and Robin might be a little late in heading out for patrol that night because he and Damian needed to talk about something first. Jason and Tim told him to take their time. They assured him that they’d have Gotham covered. 

They hoped that conversation went well. It had better odds of doing so now. Bruce would be approaching it with the right mindset and understanding. Damian already knew he was ultimately getting what he wanted, so he wouldn’t be so critical or offensive. If for some reason it did go off course, Damian knew he could call on one of them to step in and help him calm down or communicate with their father better. 

And they’d answer immediately, if he did make such a call. Even if they were busy. Even if he’d been acting like a brat earlier that day. Because that was what brother’s do. It was what family did. 

It was what they both were so thankful for.


End file.
